With grateful thanks to Mike Sullivan for digging these three pieces out for us.  Three types of masters rower – which one are you?

(author of Sculling Safety Manual and Teaching Sculling to Beginners and Handling your sculling boat on land and water)

I found it. I wrote a Master’s Trilogy for us older rowers back in ’97. Thank goodness for usenet archives… :^)

The Man Who Would Be In The Eight

An erg under boxes and bicycles

betrayed many years of excuse

clean under layers of wood dust

unspun, unpulled on, unuse.

The footboard was yet to be pushed on

the seat ne’er supported a weight

should have been all the hints that were needed

to keep the man out of the eight.

A racer he was in his youthtide

strong, long, and lean in his prime

And prime he still was in his mind’s eye

undefiled by training time

Spandex he doths without mercy

but of him it could not accomodate

he leaked and bulged at the stress points

this man who would be in the eight.

A shiny Empacher appeared then

In the racks of the Master full club

To race in it many did covet

Ah but there was only one rub

seven seats were up for the choosing

of the fittest of the once-were-great

the other reserved for the buyer

this man who would be in the eight

Full Slide Is Too Far To Go

Catch right together, come out clean

this is the way to row.

push the legs a little – that’s enough

in my new uni, I look kinda buff

hatchets make puddles – that’s the stuff

but full slide’s too far to go.

Keep my head up – look real mean

my hands have the perfect grip

Our brand new eight is a pretty shell

It cost us thousands but what the hell

Two days a week it serves us well

still full slide’s too far a trip.

Back to the dock, it’s 7:15

I’ll wheel my Explorer through Latte-To-Go

full attendance this morning, this weekend we’re facing

a cross country flight to a regatta we’re racing

I’ve a mileage upgrade so to heck with the spacing

full slide is too far to go

Look At Me, I’m Sculling

Look at me, I’m sculling

I got a new boat and oars

a fancy place to keep them in

a place to park my Porsche

I’m out every other morning

unless I’m feeling sick

can’t you hear me coming?

chunk whooooshh tick tick tick tick

Look at me, I’m sculling

round the bouys today I’ll go

steady state I’ll call it

(my euphamism for going slow)

My course and mind they wander

fancies and plans, take my pick

what I shoulda said to that jetski

chunk whooooshh tick tick tick tick

Look at me, I’m sculling

for 10 strokes, I concentrate

I can catch the water quickly

I sit up and swing, it feels great

I can do this at will, I know it

clean finishes, releases are slick

the 10 strokes are almost over

chunk whooooshh tick tick tick tick

Mike Sullivan (Sept 1997)